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Choosing
Your Groomsmen
While some brides know
who they will choose to represent her on the day of her wedding, many
grooms struggle with the task of choosing just the right men to play the
role of groomsmen on his special day.
With a collection of eager
family and friends, there
sometimes comes the moment when a groom is faced with the decision of
hurting the feelings of another or causing his wife-to-be disappointment
in his selection. In reality, selecting the groomsmen is a personal
choice a groom must tackle, keeping in mind that his choices could
possibly affect the outcome of the wedding.
Narrowing Down the Pool
As the wedding date nears, a groom may notice antsy family and friends
suggesting whom he should and should not choose. His fiancé may chime in
her two-cents and as the groom finally sits down to make out a list; he
may feel guilt-ridden with his final choices. As a rule of thumb, some
of the best outcomes regarding groomsmen selection occur when a
husband-to-be chooses the people he is closest to instead of the fellows
that loved ones recommend. Some grooms may feel obligated or pressured
into selecting the brother who feels he should be included or the cousin
his mother urges he involve, but in the end, happier grooms often select
their closet companions.
Traditional "Rules"
There are no set-in-stone rules regarding the task of selecting
groomsmen, however, there are a couple of common paths to follow that
often generates a somewhat easier decision-making process. Usually, the
brother of the groom, as well as the brother of the bride comes first
(unless the groom does not have a good relationship in either case).
Next in line, closest friends follow (such as a best friend from
college) and in many cases, a close relative, such as the "favorite"
cousin is chosen. Overall, whoever is selected to become a groomsman
should possess some level of responsibility because they will be in
charge of various aspects pertaining to the wedding.
Confirm Availability
Don't assume that because your best friend has been through thick and
thin with you that your wedding will magically fit into his busy
schedule. You still need to receive confirmation that all intended
groomsmen are able to participate in the wedding plans and attend the
actual event. It is important for a groom to know that the people he has
selected can actually commit to the time, date, and other details
concerning the wedding. This may include alerting the chosen men to make
the proper travel and accommodation plans so they may attend all of the
festivities that require their presence.
Groomsmen Responsibilities
The reason it is important to select responsible individuals as
groomsmen is because there are traditional roles that are expected of
these men. Before the position of groomsman is accepted, the chosen
individuals need to know what is expected of them ahead of time. Besides
planning a bachelor party, showering the groom with advice, and offering
moral support, a groomsman has to put in a little legwork regarding the
wedding process. Responsibilities include:
* The groomsman is responsible for purchasing or at least renting his
tuxedo and shoes. It is important that he accomplishes this task at the
specified store of the groom's choosing and that he is present at
scheduled fittings.
* Groomsmen are expected to attend all of the pre-wedding activities.
This includes the engagement party, bachelor party, rehearsal dinner,
and of course, the wedding. They may also take an active role in helping
to plan the bachelor party, which is often the best man's duty.
Gathering the food, drinks, and sometimes entertainment is not uncommon.
* Groomsmen may also seat guests before the wedding ceremony takes
place. This is often seen at traditional Christian weddings,
where the guests of the bride's family are escorted to the left side of
the church, while the groom's family members are escorted to the right
side. It is important for a groomsman to be on the premises at least 45
minutes before the ceremonies are set to take place.
* Depending on the wedding procession, a groomsman may walk down the
aisle (usually attached to the arm of a selected bridesmaid). They may
also stand alongside the soon-to-be married couple during the ceremony.
* The decoration of the getaway car that will whisk the newly married
couple to their next destination is an optional responsibility that some
groomsmen take on.
* After the ceremony, they may stay and help set-up the reception, as
well as hang around as part of the clean-up crew.
Overall, the role of a groomsman is quite important to the groom and
should be taken as an honor by the selected. Knowing what is
expected of their position is vital to ensuring that a smooth wedding
takes place.
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